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SUMMARY OF CHAPTER 10
KEY PASSAGES FROM CHAPTER 10
The nature and content of true forgiveness
“That is quite, quite out of the question,” said a female Ghost to one of the bright Women, “I should not dream of staying if I’m expected to meet Robert. I am ready to forgive him, of course. But anything more is quite impossible. How he comes to be here . . . but that is your affair.” “But if you have forgiven him,” said the other, “surely—–.” “I forgive him as a Christian,” said the Ghost. “But there are some things one can never forget… You haven’t the faintest conception of what I went through with your dear Robert. The ingratitude! It was I who made a man of him! Sacrificed my whole life to him! And what was my reward? Absolute, utter selfishness!”
Ambition and the purpose of life
“He was pottering along on about six hundred a year when I married him. And mark my words, Hilda, he’d have been in that position to the day of his death if it hadn’t been for me. It was I who had to drive him every step of the way. He hadn’t a spark of ambition. It was like trying to lift a sack of coal. I had to positively nag him to take on that extra work in the other department, though it was really the beginning of everything for him. The laziness of men! He said, if you pmore than thirteen hours a day! As if I weren’t working far longer. For my day’s work wasn’t over when his was.
The goals of marriage and the nature of love
“If he’d had his way he’d have just sat in an armchair and sulked when dinner was over. It was I who had to draw him out of himself and brighten him up and make conversation…he didn’t even listen … he seemed to have forgotten that I was a lady even if I had married him, and all the time I was working my fingers to the bone for him: and without the slightest appreciation. I used to spend simply hours arranging flowers to make that poky little house nice, and instead of thanking me, what do you think he said? Said he wished I wouldn’t fill up the writing desk with them when he wanted to use it: and there was a perfectly frightful fuss one evening because I’d spilled one of the vases over some papers of his. It was all nonsense really, because they weren’t anything to do with his work. He had some silly idea of writing a book in those days … as if he could. I cured him of that in the end.
The nature and purpose of friendship
“No, Hilda, you must listen to me. The trouble I went to, entertaining! Robert’s idea was that he’d just slink off by himself every now and then to see what he called his old friends . . . and leave me to amuse myself! But I knew from the first that those friends were doing him no good. ‘No, Robert,’ said I, ‘your friends are mine. It is my duty to have them here, however tired I am and however little we can afford it.’…That is where I had to use a certain amount of tact. A woman who has her wits about her can always drop in a word here and there. I couldn’t help laughing [at them] sometimes…Robert was uncomfortable while the treatment was going on, but it was all for his own good in the end. None of that set were friends of his any longer by the end of the first year. “Well, I got him into the new house at last. Yes, I know. It was a little more than we could really afford at the moment, but all sorts of things were opening out before him. And, of course, I began to entertain properly. No more of his sort of friends, thank you. I was doing it all for his sake. Every useful friend he ever made was due to me.”
The high cost of high control
“He just set himself to get old and silent and grumpy. Just sank into himself. He could have looked years younger if he’d taken the trouble. He needn’t have walked with a stoop-I’m sure I warned him about that often enough. He was the most miserable host. Whenever we gave a party everything rested on my shoulders: Robert was simply a wet blanket…he hadn’t always been like that. There had been a time when he took an interest in all sorts of things and had been quite ready to make friends. ‘What on earth is coming over you?’ I used to say. But now he just didn’t answer at all. He would sit staring at me with his great big eyes and-I know it now-just hating me. That was my reward. After all I’d done. Sheer wicked, senseless hatred: at the very moment when he was a richer man than he’d ever dreamed of being!”
“Duty” versus Love
“I did my duty to the very end. I forced him to take exercise-that was really my chief reason for keeping a great Dane. I kept on giving parties. I took him for the most wonderful holidays. Even, when things became desperate, I encouraged him to take up his writing again. It couldn’t do any harm by then. How could I help it if he did have a nervous breakdown in the end? My conscience is clear. I’ve done my duty by him.”
Selfishness and the mask of self-sacrifice
“I believe I have changed my mind. I’ll make them a fair offer, Hilda. I will not meet him, if it means just meeting him and no more. But if I’m given a free hand I’ll take charge of him again. I will take up my burden once more. But I must have a free hand. With all the time one would have here, I believe I could make something of him. Somewhere quite to ourselves. Wouldn’t that be a good plan? He’s not fit to be on his own. Put me in charge of him. He wants firm handling.”
The freedom of Heaven and the consuming fire of hatred and self-obsession
“No, give him to me, do you hear? Don’t consult him: just give him to me. I’m his wife, aren’t I? I was only beginning. There’s lots, lots, lots of things I still want to do with him. No, listen, Hilda. Please, please! I’m so miserable. I must have someone to-to do things to. It’s simply frightful down there. No one minds about me at all. I can’t alter them. It’s dreadful to see them all sitting about and not be able to do anything with them. Give him back to me. Why should he have everything his own way? It’s no good for him. It isn’t right, it’s not fair. I want Robert. What right have you to keep him from me? I hate you. How can I pay him out if you won’t let me have him?” The Ghost which had towered up like a dying candleflame snapped suddenly. A sour, dry smell lingered in the air for a moment and then there was no Ghost to be seen.”
THEMES IN CHAPTER 10
1. The nature and content of true forgiveness “I forgive him as a Christian,” said the Ghost. “But there are some things one can never forget… You haven’t the faintest conception of what I went through with your dear Robert. The ingratitude! It was I who made a man of him! Sacrificed my whole life to him! And what was my reward? Absolute, utter selfishness!”
This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.(Mt. 18:35) Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. (Eph. 4:32)
2. Ambition and the purpose of life “He was pottering along on about six hundred a year when I married him. And mark my words, Hilda, he’d have been in that position to the day of his death if it hadn’t been for me. It was I who had to drive him every step of the way. He said, if you please, he couldn’t work more than 13 hours a day!”
I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. (Phil 4: 11-12) Godliness with contentment is great gain, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world (I Tim. 6:6)
3. The goals of marriage and the nature of love “
“I used to spend simply hours arranging flowers to make that poky little house nice, and instead of thanking me, what do you think he said? Said he wished I wouldn’t fill up the writing desk with them when he wanted to use it: and there was a perfectly frightful fuss one evening because I’d spilled one of the vases over some papers of his. It was all nonsense really, because they weren’t anything to do with his work. He had some silly idea of writing a book in those days … as if he could. I cured him of that in the end.”
Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”(Gen. 2:18) Encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored. (Titus 2:4-5) let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.( I Pet. 3:4)
4. The nature and purpose of friendship “I knew from the first that those friends were doing him no good. I couldn’t help laughing [at them] sometimes…Robert was uncomfortable while the treatment was going on, but it was all for his own good in the end. None of that set were friends of his any longer by the end of the first year. I began to entertain properly. No more of his sort of friends, thank you. I was doing it all for his sake. Every useful friend he ever made was due to me.”
A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.(Prov. 17:17) My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. (Jn 15:12-13) Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves (Phil. 2:3)
5. The high cost of high control “What on earth is coming over you?’ I used to say. But now he just didn’t answer at all. He would sit staring at me with his great big eyes and-I know it now-just hating me. That was my reward. After all I’d done. Sheer wicked, senseless hatred: at the very moment when he was a richer man than he’d ever dreamed of being!”
I appeal to you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught; avoid them. For such persons do not serve our Lord Christ, but their own appetites, and by smooth talk and flattery they deceive the hearts of the naive. (Rom. 16:17-18) Death and life are in the power of the tongue: And they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof. (Prov. 18:21)
6.“Duty” versus Love “Even, when things became desperate, I encouraged him to take up his writing again. It couldn’t do any harm by then. How could I help it if he did have a nervous breakdown in the end? My conscience is clear. I’ve done my duty by him.”
Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for each other, love one another deeply, from the heart.(I Pet. 1:22) Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others (Phil. 2:1-4)
7. Selfishness and the mask of self-sacrifice “I’ll make them a fair offer, Hilda. I will not meet him, if it means just meeting him and no more. But if I’m given a free hand I’ll take charge of him again. I will take up my burden once more. But I must have a free hand. With all the time one would have here, I believe I could make something of him. Somewhere quite to ourselves. Wouldn’t that be a good plan? He’s not fit to be on his own. Put me in charge of him. He wants firm handling.”
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.(Phil. 2:3) For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. (James 3:16)
8. The freedom of Heaven and the consuming fire of hatred and self-obsession
“No, give him to me, do you hear? Don’t consult him: just give him to me. I’m his wife, aren’t I? I was only beginning. There’s lots, lots, lots of things I still want to do with him. No, listen, Hilda. Please, please! I’m so miserable. I must have someone to-to do things to. It’s simply frightful down there. No one minds about me at all. I can’t alter them. It’s dreadful to see them all sitting about and not be able to do anything with them. Give him back to me. Why should he have everything his own way? It’s no good for him. It isn’t right, it’s not fair. I want Robert. What right have you to keep him from me? I hate you. How can I pay him out if you won’t let me have him?” The Ghost which had towered up like a dying candleflame snapped suddenly. A sour, dry smell lingered in the air for a moment and then there was no Ghost to be seen.”
At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven” (Mt. 22:30) If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen (I Jn 4:20) See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no ‘root of bitterness’ springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled” (Heb. 12:15) For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly but in hope that the creation itself would be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the glorious liberty of the sons of God. (Rom. 8;21)
AN EPITATH
–C.S. Lewis
Erected by her sorrowing brothers
In memory of Martha Clay.Here lies one who lived for others;Now she has peace.
And so have they.
