As we wrap up a month of talking about Friendship, author Billy Baker comes on the show to discuss his memoir about making friends!
S5E18: “We Need To Hang Out” – After Hours with Billy Baker (Download)
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Show Notes
Introduction
Quote-of-the-week
“It’s healthier to eat Twinkies with your friends than to eat broccoli alone”
Billy Baker
Biographical Information
Billy Baker is a graduate of Boston Latin School, Tulane University and the Columbia Journalism School, and is a recipient of the Deborah Howell Award for Writing Excellence from the American Society of News Editors. He’s a writer for the Boston Globe Magazine and he’s here to talk to us about his book, We Need to Hang Out: A Memoir of Making Friends…
Biographical details of Billy Baker
Discussion
1. “Background”
So I gave a few brief pieces of biographical information about you, but would you mind taking five minutes to fill out the picture for us?
2. “Exposure to C.S. Lewis”
Obviously, we’re a C.S. Lewis podcast – have you read much of Jack’s work?
3. “Define and Describe”
Before we go much further, we should probably define our terms… In The Four Loves, Jack makes a bunch of distinctions, distinguishing friendship from both “companionship” and “allyship”. For Jack, it begins with companionship in some common endevour or subject, but he says that companions become friends…when two or more of the companions discover that they have in common some insight or interest or even taste which the others do not share and which, till that moment, each believed to be his own unique treasure (or burden). The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like, “What? You too? I thought I was the only one.”
So what do you mean when you refer to a “friend”?
4. “Cultivating New Friendships”
Why might David be in danger?
5. “Dangers of Loneliness”
In The Four Loves, Lewis spends some time talking about whether Friendship is useful, and he concludes that “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.” However, I’d say that one of the important lessons of your book is about how being friendlessness can be hazardous to one’s health! This is why I quoted you at the beginning of the episode where you said that “It’s healthier to eat Twinkies with your friends than to eat broccoli alone”. Why do you say this?
6. “An aside about accents”
Do the English romanticize American accents?
7. “Homophobic Slurs”
At the beginning of his discussion on Friendship, Lewis says that he needed to begin with a bit of tedious demolition, taking apart the assertion made by some that Friendship between members of the same sex is really disguised homosexuality. When this came up on the show, my co-host Matt said he had never encountered any insinuation of this, but I can certainly say I have, throughout my education even into young adulthood. If two guys were seen to be really close, cynical comments and homophobic slurs from “the pack” would usually be forthcoming… Even at the time of this interview there seemed to be renewed fervor in questioning the sexuality of Frodo and Sam in The Lord of the Rings… Would you mind telling us a little bit about how you address this in your book?
8. “Women and Friendship”
During our study of The Four Loves, at various points my co-hosts and I have suggested that perhaps some of Lewis’ comments are more specific (among other things) to men rather than women. You touch on this subject in your book, so what do you think are the key differences among the sexes, when it comes to making friends?
In The Four Loves Lewis says that: “Lovers are normally face to face, absorbed in each other; Friends, side by side, absorbed in some common interest.” What I found fascinating is that, in your book, you cite sociologists who say almost the identical thing, except that it is women who are face-to-face and men who are side-by-side…
9. Dunbar’s Number
- In the book you talk about Dunbar’s number. Would you mind explaining what that is to our listeners?
