The Common Room – June 2024 (“Listener marriage advice for Matt”)

The gang review the marriage advice sent in for Matt…

Show Notes

David was drinking H.E.B. San Antonio Blend sent by listener, Paul Aldo
The Pints With Jack cookies were sent out to Patreon supporters from Dizzy Lizzy Cupcakery.

Congrats Matt 🥳. My advice after 7 years of marriage is to keep date night a regular thing regardless of what season and stage of life you two are in. Whether no kids or lots of them, keep a second sabbath( so to speak) for the two of you. Your marriage will thank you many years down the road. Also you’re always wrong regardless of if you think you’re right( as a fellow man I know for a fact you’re prolly mostly right😉) Blessings 🙏
Eat as many meals as possible together as a family at the table.
Let your spouse be your Best Friend💕💕 Share everything!

Make life about her, not you. Same advice for her: Make it about you, not herself. Self is the enemy. It’s worked for us for 45 years.
You will both have a fully functioning, long-lasting marriage if BOTH of you put the other ahead of yourselves. Once you learn the magic of putting Her in front of YOU (and vice versa) you both will ensure that your own needs will be met…and it will be better than if you tried to do it for yourselves. Best wishes and much happiness to you both! Congratulations!

When your wife wants to talk, she wants you to listen. If she wants you to give her advice or fix a problem, she will ask for that.
A good conversation starter: “How would you like to be loved? What says “love” to you?” But maybe you’ve already had these conversations. Every blessing to you both!

Learn your own argument style as a couple. As a start, before “digging in“, you might ask the question “would I rather be right, or would I rather be happy?”
Winning arguments is for court, not for marriage.
I’ll just share what we were told 32 years ago when we got married and it has proved very valuable advice: may forgiveness be the cement of your love!
Some great advice I was given from a family friend who had recently celebrated his 58th or so anniversary. “Yes dear”
Be slow to speak when receiving criticism or facing difficult conversations. Listen to each other, reiterate what they said and express empathy.

If you think it will be easy, you are setting yourself up for failure. Nothing worth having is easy. Be intentional with it.
Firstly, Congratulations to you both!!! Remember, there is no such thing as a loving marriage. Love is in people, and wise people choose to invest love into their marriages. That takes intentional and continual effort and that is also is how the long game is played, and played well to the end. (I’d also say to parent from the strength of your marriage but that advice is for later..!) God bless you.
Your marriage will always be under attack from the enemy. Keep a proactive mindset to strengthen your marriage every day!
Some days you will feel very much in love. Some days you won’t. Don’t worry about that. Feelings change frequently. That is why feelings are not the basis of marriage.
Read and apply info from ‘Love and Respect’ by Dr Emmerson Eggerichs.

Always give each other the benefit of the doubt and assume that each spouse is doing their best. Always give 100% and don’t tally the work. May God bless you both!
Take the time to learn “the right way” (aka your wife’s way) to do certain household chores as you begin living together. If you have a capable and detail-oriented lady, the way you load the dishwasher or fold the laundry can drive her bonkers or make her smile. Watch to see how she likes certain things done and try to imitate it. It may seem silly, but the little things matter!
If you think you are safe with her so you can just “be yourself”, that doesn’t mean you can be an ass. You should care as much about your relationship with her as you do with others. If you wouldn’t allow yourself do something hurtful to them, “being yourself” is not an excuse to do it to your wife.
Let go of trying to prove yourself and stringent schedules and deep philosophical ponderings of the why of things and get ready for ” the mortifying ordeal of becoming known”! You will love it! Live in the sensory, beautiful reality of the here and now and flourish! Re listen to Dr. Love!

Do not argue in front of the kids.
Read to your kids. Don’t make that your wife’s job. Both of you should do it.
Kids are capable of doing chores at a much younger age than most people realize. Toddlers and preschoolers like to help. Let them. Even if they do the chores poorly
Remember when moms said to kids, “wait until your father gets home?” People make fun of that, but there is a version of this that is good parenting. When a mom is at her wit’s end with the kids and is afraid she is about to say or do something she will regret, she postpones further discussion until her husband is there to take over. Tag team parenting works in such situations. Do your part.